yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
