I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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