I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
