as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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