Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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