i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
