he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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