hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
