I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
