can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
