i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
