Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
