New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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