We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
