hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
