Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
