honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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