u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
