he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
