tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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