How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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