He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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