I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
