He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
