you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
...so i touched it.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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