Is it normal to miss your booty call?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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