i just had sex bonerless
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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