Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
