I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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