I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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