i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
