At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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