Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I forget how to act sober
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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