I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i was born a porn star she said
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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