my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
