We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Im part way to drunk.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
