i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
