Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
