Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
