Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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