Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
