what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
