in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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