i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
