I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
