How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
