This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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