Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
