I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
