hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Michael Bay diarrhea
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
