Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
