have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
