Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
