I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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