Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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